Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

This post is a week and some change late as I had intended to post on my genuine cancerversary (March 20th). However, life and my unrelenting will to procrastinate interfered with that happening. Haha

A fair amount has occurred since my last post! I've had a couple more breast revisions; one not so successful and the other one quite successful. THANK YOU GOD! 

It'd been a nightmare how the revise would look great until after my sutures were removed. Then after showering, I'd spring a leak. So the last time it was done, we thought a new direction would be best. So he removed some saline from my expander and then patched me back up with only internal sutures that would dissolve. 

I got the final okay after another long 11 days, and then I was able to go back to see my radiation oncologist and got the okay to continue treatment finally after my 2+ month hiatus. Got rescanned and all that good stuff. Then I had to wait to get the phone call for my dry run to finalize my reformed treatment plan. Got that call yesterday afternoon. Looks like Monday I'll be doing that. Hopefully that means I'll be back to a regular treatment plan starting Tuesday!

In other new news is that Jason got a job promotion, which is fantastic and with such perfect timing! We can really seriously use the extra income what with all the medical bills we still need to pay. I'm so ridiculously proud of him!! :D Way to go, beeyah!

Jason and I also made the commitment recently to sign up for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day in San Diego! I cannot wait. It'll be a great experience and a fabulous reason to need to get in good shape. I mean seriously, walking 20 miles each day for 3 days in a row? That's pretty brutal! I'm pumped about it. Truthfully, I'm more concerned about the fundraising aspect of this commitment. 

If any of you reading this are able to donate even just $1, I'd be extremely grateful. It might not seem like much but it all adds up. And the donations received will go towards further research in finding a cure and helping women/men with getting proper testing and treatment.

If you'd like to donate to our team, CLICK HERE. ;)

So beyond the good cause and all that, this is a challenge I feel I want... no, I NEED to conquer. Nothing to me says "eff you" to cancer more than walking in support of a cause to end it as a survivor. It's like, HEY CANCER! I pwned you and now I fully intend on pwning yo mama too. Haha.

Our team, by the way, earned its namesake by way of honoring my lonely scarred Barbie-boob. We are... 

Please please pleeeease consider donating to our team.

Yep! Originally we were going to be Team Frankenbooby, but I found that to be way too typical. We had to geek it up. Since it's sort of a quest and all, and happily not to a mountain of doom (although we are trying to save people fighting for their lives against their own mountains of doom!). lol

Back to the hot topic, my cancerversary! 

It's hard to swallow that it's already been a year since I was given that dreadful, life changing news. Even though you're reassured you'll make it through and that it's not a death sentence, I find it miraculous to be here a year later. And I didn't expect to be blessed enough to say I was cancer-free by this point yet either. In fact, I've technically been cancer-free for 6 months.

Now that's just madness! My gratitude never diminishes. Some days I feel it more intensely than others, but it's always there. This is the Lord's work. It was through His love and healing that I am here. I will never forget or take that for granted. If anything, I'm still troubled by what I'm meant to do with this extension on living I was given. For now, I'll keep on praying until I am enlightened on how I can better serve Him in this world. If I'm meant to be here, I want to make the most of it after all. ^_^

Which is another thing often on my mind. I want to experience like. ALL THE THINGS. Hahaha! No, I mean, I want to live life to the fullest and then have enough left over for a whole other cup full of living. Don't worry dear readers. Nothing too cray cray. I just want to have many lovely times ahead of me. When I have gone and left this earth, I want everyone who loved me to have lots of memories of me to think of and smile about.

That said, I already have several tattoos I know I'll be getting as soon as I'm able. One will be a cross and/or some scripture. Another will be a pink ribbon. Lastly, I finally have it in my head what I'd like to have tattooed over my right breast once I'm all done with radiation.

Everybody who knows me is well aware of how much I adore Disney stuffs. I'm also a big big fan of Alice in Wonderland in pretty much any form. I love the book, the Disney movie, video games based on it, etc. So I had the idea that I wanted some floral design covering part of that breast and have it extend down my right side a bit. Weeell, that is what I want, but it's going to be the flowers comprising the Disney's "Golden Afternoon" scene from the film.

It's geeky, I know. But I think it's perfect for me. Besides, I totally want a bread and butterfly to accompany said flowers!

That does it for now, e'rybody! May you all have a beautiful and blessed Easter. The Father gave His only son so we could live in His love and be free of sin. So enjoy the gift of life and create many reasons to smile this weekend. :)

"For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13

But that doesn't mean that I wasn't brave

Ah, hello again dear blog! Is it really time for our monthly rendezvous already? ;)

Since our last meeting, I have had a root canal, two more breast revisions and all four of my wisdom teeth removed (which I got dry socket from a traumatic extraction on my bottom left). So my oh my oh my. As you can tell, the fun never ends in the land of Anj! Haha.

In the midst of all this back and forth with my cosmetic surgeon and dentist, I also saw my oncologist. He had pegged me to be finished with radiation by the time my appointment had rolled around. He was a bit surprised.

Thankfully my visit with him had more to do with discussing my eventual start on hormone therapy (Tamoxifen) for the next 5 years. I can't say I'm thrilled about the prospect. To be frank, I'm pretty freaking terrified of it. My body has been through SO much and I've willingly done every treatment possible to prevent the C from returning... I have no plans to have a baby anytime soon either. I just don't get it.

Oh gosh, I realize it's all for the purpose of being preventative about prevention for preventing this from making a come back. I do, but it's got some wickedly scary side effects. Increased risks of endometrial cancer and thromboembolism are enough on their own to spook me. PLUS, the SSRI I've been taking to control my panic disorder for the past half a decade, is incompatible with it.

You reach the point where you look at the risks and simply say, "eff it". My body has already seen most of the worst it can have thrown at it to take care of this. Might as well finish out my outlined treatment plan. I gotta remember to trust God. It's all been in His hands anyway.

And speaking of, I suppose I should explain why I needed two more revisions to my breast since I last updated. Same damn issue each time. That weird random leaking occurred. So my radiation has been on hold ALL this time. I don't even get my stitches out again until next Monday. Praying so hard this will be the last revision that will be have been needed. I want to get this show back on the road!

So I've talked about my suffering body self image since my surgery, and I think it's finally time I found a therapist so I can discuss it along with everything else I've been through. You comprehend how heavy it all is as you're going through it, but you don't prepare yourself for the aftermath. I don't really see how one could either.

I simply keep on trying to do the best I can with all the heaviness I have weighing on my heart.

Oh, and bringing up the subject of doing the best I can... argh, this mop of curly hair I've got! Haha. Not everyone has their hair regrow as curly after chemo, so WHY me?! It frustrates me so! >_<

And all I hear is that I'm stuck with this new texture for at least 2 years. Maybe forever. Ah well, I shouldn't whine too horribly much. It is a vast improvement over no hair at all. Lol, it is tough though as I have no clue how to manage it. If you Google anything about "chemo curls", there's so little information too. I thought surely some other woman has put some tutorial or recommendation up on how to cope with it. No such luck!

I'll have to share my knowledge as I deal with it I suppose, so there can be something for some other poor unfortunate soul who will walk down this path and search for the same thing. 

Note the headband to hold back the chemo-fro with an attempt to make it look girly/fashionable.

I haven't decided whether to let it grow from here on out or if I want to let it grow a bit more and then get a neato haircut. Probably the latter. I'm not yet ready to grow my hair out and face the dreadful mullet that comes with growing out short short hair. Been there. Done that. Not looking forward to going there again. :P 

I was going to share a few photos to prove it, but after looking through them? Uhh, yeah, I'd really rather not. Haha

Other than visiting a doctor of some kind or another, just been busy with work and running other errands as needed for Jason and I. The fatigue persists, but I didn't expect that to disappear any time soon.

As cruddy as things look to me at times as I delve a little further into my survivorship, I remind myself that I am damn blessed to be here. My 1 year diagnosis anniversary is coming up this next month. Hard to believe that so much has happened in only a year. Frightening to think of where I'd be by this point if I hadn't caught it. Would I even be around?

So, I say it yet again, THANK YOU GOD! For better or worse, I'm happy to be alive. Life is not the same since. It won't and it can't be, but I'm glad to accept it with an open mind and heart. This is my path and I will tread on to wherever it may take me.

Appreciate you all reading. God bless and I hope you have a wonderful month of March ahead of you!

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17