Friday, September 21, 2012

It sucks, but do it anyway!

This past Tuesday came and went without a peep. I swear I do make an effort to be patient while waiting for any news. It simply comes to a point after you've been practicing patience for months that you become antsy. I called the following afternoon, and Dr. Kushner told me he was still waiting on replies. He assured me this wouldn't delay my surgery, which he still wanted to get scheduled for next week. 

After giving it thought over last weekend, I had decided I didn't want to go through 2 additional hours of chest surgery so they could remove the mammary lymph node that'd been troublesome. I'm getting radiation therapy either way, so what's the point? I mentioned this to Kushner, which he had been giving me plenty of reason to think it was a wise decision. 

There's been studies done on cancer patients who had cancerous lymph nodes removed versus those who were given radiation/chemo. The ones who had nodes removed encountered more complications and their survival rate was no better. With my particular case, that lymph node of mine is way deep in my chest. So it's even tricky to get to on top of it all. Not worth it to me to try and get to. 

As he told me his surgery scheduler was calling my cosmetic surgeon's office to get my surgery scheduled, I got a call that interrupted us. I let it go to voicemail, and ironically enough, it was his scheduler giving me a date. FINALLY! 

The catch is that all month I'd had my heart and mind set on the end of September. And for two weeks solid, I was assured it was the last week of September. The reality? October 10th. 

 I was pretty displeased at first. I wanted to fight it, but it was too late to do so Wednesday and I had an early early morning appointment to see my cosmetic surgeon Thursday. Jason kept telling me that it might wind up being for the best. Urging me to accept whether it was my real surgery date or not. 

My husby being completely mature about holding breast implants.

After my appointment with Dr. Mowlavi I discovered that October 10th was the way it was meant to be. There's quite a lot I need to do and get ready before my surgery (blood work, EKG, chest x-ray, clearance from my PCP, etc.). If it were next week, it would be very stressful to get everything ready in time. 

So, October 10th it is.  There's your cue Mr. Post Title --

"It sucks, but do it anyway!" :D

Jason took this for me, while waiting to see the plastic surgeon, so I could see my chemo-wavy hair. I still can't believe how LIGHT it is!

Of course what would this experience be without a little added uncertainty? Mowlavi asked what Kushner had told me when I spoke with him about my MRI results. I told him what I knew - radiation for sure, great skin sparing potential, and recommended I have expanders rather than implants put in right away. 

I only know what I'm told, therefore I don't know typical treatment protocol. He was bewildered by my claim that I could have nipple sparing on my right breast if I were having radiation. Apparently that's weird. Haha, how would I know that though?? 

So the two of them have yet to firm up details and let me know my exact game plan. But as it stands, the only thing not finalized is whether I will wake up with my implant for my left breast or if it will have to be an expander instead as well. Again, "it sucks, but do it anyway!". Lol

I'd love to take credit for my new found mantra, but it's from a new song by the talented Ben Folds Five. I highly recommend you all give this a listen. Besides its tremendous fabulousness, the video itself is adorable:

Living life doesn't always go the way you want it to, believe me, but do it anyway. ^_^ You'll get through it. You can be better or worse for it. It all depends on how you look at it.
Between this week and last, it turned out to be a lot of news and information to digest. Now that I've warmed up to the thought of having a solid date to have the source of my cancer removed from my body, I feel at peace. I know I'll become restless as it grows closer, but until then, I feel peaceful. The Lord certainly knows what he's doing, and I best not forget that. ;) 

Anyway... I wanted to mention some nice things that happened for me and Jason in the middle of this flurry of medical madness!

Some time back, Jason's mom had mentioned getting this fabulous deal on Groupon for wine pairing meal at a fancy restaurant called The Cellar. She told us that she and her boyfriend Andrew wanted to take us to it once my chemo was complete and I felt up to it. This past Saturday, we got dressed up and got to go! It was such a fun, fun outing. We desperately needed a "normal" night out. Yummy food with delicious wine and wonderful company. Just perfect! 

The unfortunate part of that outing meant we had to skip out on going to the second fundraiser event to support my SIL Marylou and our friend Denise's Susan G. Komen 3-Day (go Team Anj!! Again I will plug it - please donate!). From what I heard, and the photos I saw, it was wildly successful. We'll be there at the next one guys!

On Sunday the hubby and I were both pooped. We've been talking for months about how to figure out our sleeping arrangement once I'm home recovering. For the past 5 and half years we'd been sleeping on a full mattress. Not always the comfiest, but we managed. My parents very generously offered us their king-sized guest mattress in exchange for our old one. As sweet as that is on its own, they took the time to stop by Sunday morning and do the mattress switch for us. Such an amazingly kind gesture!

Next one takes some backstory... haha.

My favorite band is called The Dresden Dolls. Been in love with their unique music since I was first introduced to them approximately 7 years ago. I have been able to see them perform live twice. Always wanted to grab their autograph, particularly leadsinger/pianist Amanda Palmer. I adore her. She's a strong kick ass woman. 

When I was diagnosed earlier in the year and unbeknownst to me, Jason took it upon himself to contact many of my favorite places and people telling them my situation and asking if they would mind doing something for me. One of the ones he had contacted happened to be Ms. Amanda Palmer. Well, they got back to him. Her street team informed him that they'd get Amanda to make postcard out to me. It came in our mail this week!!

I looooove Amanda Palmer!!!  P.S. He is a good one!

My point? You gotta take the good with the bad. There has to be some rain before a rainbow can be born. Thankfully I can see the positive in the rain too. :)

 God bless all of you. 

"Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure children of God, without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."   Philippians 2:14-15


  1. Mr. Folds strikes again!

    Just when it seemed like life became a mess of news and balancing when this whole things started, we're introduced to pre-op! So many tests in the next few weeks and so much to get ready for!

    I'm really happy you've accepted that surgery date. Life would be a mess if we only had a few short days to accomplish everything we needed to.

    We're almost there, though. While the surgery isn't the end to all of this, it's certainly the biggest chunk of it. Chemo, more chemo, weekly blood tests, ice-cream scoops removing your tissue...that's a lot to go through. The expanders and the radiation...that's the easy part.

    I'll be there bending over backwards for you after your surgery. It may be a little tougher than the first round of chemo was, but we'll get you through it and back on your feet in no time!

    2012 was supposed to be our year, but I'll happily take 2013 in its place! Besides I think I've learned more this year about you and myself than I would have in our entire lives together.

    Keep your head up, because we're almost there. And don't worry about being flat! It's just one more thing we'll have in common!

    Love you!

    1. They're totally gonna scoop out my breastmeats with a pumpkin scooper remember?! And 2013 is a cooler sounding year anyway. :) Love you too.