Tomorrow is the day, finally; finally... so why am I so nervous? I have been waiting for my surgery day to arrive since my diagnosis back in March. Rather impatiently I might add. Leave it to me to procrastinate my anxiety regarding it until nearly the last possible moment. Haha!
But once again, I remind myself that I must trust the Lord. So after a night of unrestful sleep, I got up this morning to go to church one late time before my procedure. I didn't pray that it would go well. I prayed for His peace in the time leading up to it. I prayed for my husband, my family and friends as I usually do. I thanked Him for all His blessings he's bestowed me with.
I know it's all in God's hands. So regardless of how I pray for things to go smoothly, it's up to Him.
And I trust Him.
That doesn't mean I am without fear. I have never had major surgery. I don't think I truly felt any sort of nerves about this until I realized how much check up was needed just to be given clearance.
We also had a scare during all that. I had my EKG done, and it came back abnormal. I have never had heart issues. However, since I have been given so much chemotherapy, I was worried it might have been effected. Same day we went to a cardiologist. Got the same reading. I'm still terrified about that if I'm honest with myself.
The cardiologist reassured me that since I don't have any symptoms that would imply I actually have a heart condition, that all should be fine. I have had a couple of echocardiograms done this year. One before chemo, and then at the midway point of my last regimen. All looked fine through those. So the doctor suggested my heart might be positioned a bit differently, since EKGs have standard positioning. This would explain an abnormal reading.
I think that no matter how you slice it, when they're talking about YOUR heart, it's freaky.
Had my chest x-ray, and then some more blood work and pee test. I never heard anything until yesterday when the nurse called me to ask me some pre-op questions. To me, that says I'm clear for surgery. ;)
In a few hours, the hubby and I are going to see my cosmetic surgery one last time. He's going to mark me up for tomorrow, think "cut here" style haha. I think I may finally pick my future breast size (yay!).
I somehow neglected to mention it before, but tomorrow happens to be my Mommy's birthday. Kind of crummy that she has to spend it in a waiting room... but I feel blessed that she will be there. I love her more than I could even begin to describe. So, Happy Birthday Mama, and THANK YOU!! For always being there and everything else you do and continue to do for me/us. I couldn't ask for a better mother.
Alrighty, here's my song choice for the masses:
And one for Jason. Because I love him a lot, and it's been a long long road for us. I want him to know how much it means that he's still here by me through this fight:
Well, that should about do it. My nerves are frayed and I think I'd actually like to get my mind off of what's ahead of me before distracting myself isn't an option. :P
From the bottom of my heart, I want thank you all who have been praying for me and supporting me. It means the world to me, and I am forever grateful.
Praying and wishing you all only the grandest of weeks.
God bless. :)
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27