It's been three days now since my world got turned inside out.
I'm not going to lie to any of you reading this. Nothing looks the same once you've found out you have cancer. And while being diagnosed with early stage breast cancer is not by any means a death sentence, you realize your life will not and cannot be the same.
A perfect example of this? I never imagined I would step foot in a cosmestic surgeon's office in my lifetime. However, that is precisely what I did today. I feel guilty that I may have ever felt judgmental about anyone who could entertain the thought of artificially altering what God gave them. Without plastic surgeons it would be impossible for me to feel like a woman again after my surgery.
The consultation today was simple. My cosmetic surgeon examined my breasts to see what would be needed to be done. He also showed me where the incisions would be made, then took some photos so I'll be able to see a before and after comparison. That was about it. Pretty painless, although I was still extremely nervous. I have an appointment to verify the details (size, etc.) with him next Tuesday.
I was joking with Jason afterwards that I had asked God to give me bigger boobs when I was a young teenager. Ironically, I will be getting them after all, but not exactly in the same fashion I had in mind. :)
On the way to the appointment, I got a call from my breast surgeon's nurse. I guess the results of my MRI were hard to read due to my hormone levels being high from the point I was at in my cycle. So now I have an appointment on Tuesday for a PET scan. I have no idea what that is exactly, haha, but I do know it's a full body scan. Also on Tuesday is my appointment with a genetic counselor.
So, one thing I've determined so far about having cancer is that your life becomes A LOT busier! Lol
In all sincerity though, I had my first actual break down last night. I was just so overwhelmed and exhausted, everything seemed bleak. I just shut down and could not stop sobbing. Thankfully though, that wonderful husband of mine took matters into his own hands. I was scheduled to work at 6am, and he decided I needed to rest. He called my boss, and explained why I could not make it in in the morning. Relief washed over me when Jason told me what he'd done. He then held me and I was finally able to calm down.
The world looked much brighter this morning after I had a full night's rest. Hubby stayed with me again today, made me breakfast, and I lounged around making this before my appointment:
When all you want to do is punch the abnormal cells making your life suck all of a sudden (and they happen to be crazy intangible), what better way to express your frustration? ^_^;
Tomorrow we go for tumor board. A board of different specialists, my breast surgeon included, will be presenting my case. They will then discuss their opinions, suggested treatment, and come check out the patient. I'm seriously hoping to find out a possible timeline for when my surgery will be taking place by tomorrow, but that's just a hope for now.
Saturday I will attempt to go back to work again. Hoping I'll be composed enough to make it through a full shift, but I have faith in myself.
Just want to thank any and all of you reading this. Also want to thank any of you praying for me, sending me love, etc. I have never felt so loved and appreciated in all my life.
There are a couple of personal missions I'd like to take from this awful experience. First of all, I want to do my best to learn as much from this as I can. I intend to be a better person today than I was yesterday, and I intend to be even better tomorrow. Secondly, I want to raise as much awareness for breast cancer as humanly possible. While it's never good news to find out you have cancer, thank God I caught it early and I now know.
And now that I know, it's time to fight back. :D
God bless you all... and no matter how icky things get, never give up!