Thursday, August 16, 2012

When my second life began

Today I had my second to last infusion. Violet took me again today. I love that woman. She has never been anything but loving and treated me as one of her own. I hope she knows how much that means to me. :) We had our usual awesome talk (and went to Lucille's BBQ for lunch when I was done! Yum!!). With the exception of roughly an hour that is.

We were the first ones in the treatment room, and it filled up to max capacity at one point. Mommy-in-law had to give up her seat and retreat to the waiting room until a seat opened back up. I dozed off while she was away. Hehe.

Chemo treatment #15 and 11/12 of Taxol. ONLY ONE TO GO NOW! P.S. My oncologist nurse Julie lent a hand for this pic. ;) 

Once she had returned, we wound up chatting with a familiar face I have frequently seen in the treatment room. I, sadly, don't even know his name. Jason calls him 'John Lennon', haha... he does resemble him! Anyway, we were discussing our types of cancer and where we were in treatment. He has stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He comes in once every two weeks, and had number 8 (out of a total of 12) of his today.

The thing I have always genuinely admired and liked about this gentleman, is the way he never stops smiling. He's friendly to everyone who enters into that room, no matter how grumpy they are. We talked about how much something like cancer redefines you. Like, really and truly. How much we both believe having a positive attitude helps in your healing, minimizes side effects, etc. I'm not sure if this man is spiritual at all, so I didn't press on it too much but I did immediately think of my faith as the guiding light largely responsible for my positivity.

A neighbor of his who had recently won her own battle against breast cancer described it perfectly:

"The day I was diagnosed was the day my first life ended and my second life began".

In a few days, it will have been exactly 5 months since I was diagnosed. So, it seems surreal to think I may be coming up around the bend on my final chemotherapy treatment. Especially since the majority of that time has been spent getting chemo.

I am not bitter to lose out on that time however. Quite the contrary. I'm alive because of this time I have "lost". How can I be angry about that? Forgive me for sounding like a broken record, but I was gifted this extra time in my life. I like to think it was for a much greater purpose that I have yet to discover. Another thing I will begin praying wholeheartedly about. The Lord has called me, so I know He will also fulfill in enlightening me as to why. How do I know? Well, He's cool like that. Duh. ;)

Thinking back on everything I have been through in these past months, I am impressed with myself that I made it to be so nearly on the other side. I have a mental checklist. After next week, I will be able to cross off rocking the shit out of chemo!  Lol, that is going to be a superbly glorious thing if I do say so!

Dang. You know where that will leave me afterwards though, right? Back to that anxious period of appointments, test results, and waiting. I have decided this time around though... I'm letting go. I'm giving it up to God, fully. It's in His hands anyway.

Speaking of, I suppose I should revisit some days from earlier in the week here. That mystery thing on my port incision scar? Yep. Turned out to be a suture or something after all. Not infected, as I never did receive a phone call saying either way. And no news is good news within the realm of medical anythings.

Tuesday, my parents came out for a visit. It's always so comforting to see them. We had a fun time. Mostly just talking and enjoying being together. And you know, I love them both so dearly. They are some of the sweetest, most generous and loving people on the face on the planet. Anyone who knows my Mom and Dad will definitely agree.

Other than that visit my week was mostly comprised of resting, as I seem to need more and more rest again, and playing World of Warcraft. As exciting as I'm sure that sounds to you all, I still know it could be way worse. And I'm surely grateful that it's not been any worse. :P Haha.

Besides, I need save my reserves of stored up Anj-energy on pwning whatever difficulties are ahead of me with this cancer business.

Although I don't know what all these difficulties will entail just yet, I am giving them a preliminary acceptance of their challenge.



Hahaha, okay... I've got a couple of inspirational songs to share for the week, and then that'll be a wrap everybody!

God bless you all. Hoping you have the best weekend ever with an even better week! And if it isn't turning out to be either, try to make it so!

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."   Romans 8:28

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